Update!

So this happened. [credit to Justin... not sure he has anything I can pimp, like twitter or whatever]

Bozak's Hot Show is running this shit now.

[btw the trade I proposed was like Ryan Getzlaf and Dion Phaneuf for Burns and Byfuglien]

And here's the standings.

So basically, this FlyGuyzz dude figured out the league and has been shockingly keeping pace with me for the last month or so. Then again, I benched my team for an entire fucking week and this guy is still almost 400 points back. So uh, ya know... "keeping pace" isn't going to cut it.

The league hasn't occupied much of my time for the last while because, well, look!

Poor Nave31 dropped back into last place and it's looking pretty dire for his band of misfit toys and useless NHL scum. Better luck next time you fucking ASSHOLE.

I guess I should bench my team for another week or so, and then maybe I'll post the link to this blog on the league board. I want all of these awful idiots to know just how much garbage I'm talking about them.

Hm maybe I should make my email address not be public to them. Yeah I think so. NO MAIL BOMBS.

But Tyler Bozak sucks...?

So one of the great things that really made me realize how much fun I was going to have with this league was that all of these loser players who no one would ever draft and who really just kinda suck big bag are ranked soooo highly because of meaningless stats like hits or blocks or face-offs [which aren't as useless but still way overrated].

One of those guys was Tyler Bozak, who is a mediocre 2nd liner being used as an elite 1st liner on an awful team [gee I wonder why they suck]. He was ranked 22nd in the entire game based on total points accumulated last season - mainly thanks to his absurd number of face-off wins. 22nd amongst all skaters!!! That's how crazy this point system is.

So this season, he's been hurt and thus his totals aren't nearly what they were last year [he ranks about 122nd amongst all skaters in total points]. HOWEVER - if you use the much-better-for-analyzing points-per-game stat, Bozak pops all the way up to... 9th in the fucking league.

This is all rambly for the sake of it, but there's a point.

The guy in 2nd place, the guy who has actually shown some aptitude for adapting to the league's insane point structure, decided to fucking drop him! Looking at his team, Tyler Bozak actually ranks TOPS amongst all of his skaters in average points over the past month. And he's just going to drop him!

I feel a bit conflicted here because I absolutely hate Tyler Bozak. He's the poster-child for everything that's wrong with the Leafs right now... but man, he's just got so much value in this league!

So I threw in a claim for him. I'll find out on Sunday whether or not I get him.

If I do win the bid, I'm going to rename my team in his honour.

Fancy stats

Hi

free fuckin' lube fancystats via Extra Skater

I haven't posted for awhile because holidays and lack of interest... but yeah.

My guys are almost all positive goal differential at 5v5 play, and almost all positive possession players... only three of them are below-average on their own squads, owing mostly to quality of competition faced [Phaneuf/Hanzal] and otherwise because the entire team is so awesome [Backes]. Basically I rule.

Anyway, I benched my entire team over the Christmas break and only lost about 75pts of ground [owing to the shortened schedule]... and then unbenched them because fuck this shit, I'm going to massacre these idiots as much as possible. I know it's not so fun, but shit who cares right?

Anyway my team is awesome, an embarrassment of riches. Why should I sacrifice glory and a gigantic point differential because I feel bad for these fuck sticks? It's not my fault that they suck.

Yeah whatever

The little fantasy hockey player that could

Ho-hum, another couple of weeks, another huge lead increase

350 points means that I'm very close to benching my entire team for a week to see what happpens! That's going to be a damn nail biter. I should advertise it to the rest of the league. In fact I will.

There we go.

NOW that we have those pleasantries out of the way, let's get to the reasoning for this post. It's a feel-good story for the ages, one of triumph and tribulations, of reaching for the stars and doing whatever it takes to make it happen. I THINK I CAN I THINK I CAN I THINK I CAN.

Yes, that's because our bravest warrior, little Nave31, has finally achieved a great goal of climbing out of the basement of this glorious famed fantasy hockey league!

Let's pause to reminisce about this: He has been in last place literally since day one of the season. Hell, at one point, this little rapscallion was 150 points out of seventh place!

But now, he's made the huuuuuge comeback and taken over that spot!!! Granted, he has no shot of moving up to sixth - but hey, that's what I thought about him getting out of last in the first place. It just goes to show, if you try hard enough, dreams do come true. Beefcake!

I had to let him know that I was rooting for him:

Hopefully he prints out that bit of praise and staples it to his locker at the Burger King he works at for motivation. It's not often that guys like me take time out of our day to recognize the little people like him.

As an aside, the guy now in eighth wins the crown for "dumbest fuck ass fantasy sports name I've ever seen, I mean seriously shit head how the fuck did you even come up with something so god damn stupid". So, hey, congrats buddy.

Til next time, idiots

Random update time!

Look at this beatdown right here...

So, eighth place is nearly 500 points back, so he's toast forever. Seventh is just about 400 back, he's done. I mean they're all done but the degree at which these guys are smoked is unreal, considering we're only six or seven weeks into the season [I forget how many because who cares]. 217 points up on 2nd place is a yawner.

I worried that these guys had rolled over and just quit updating, especially after I successfully rebuked their awful attempts at making me feel bad about the absolute shitkicking I'm laying down on them. BUT THEN over the past 24 hours, a bunch of teams made some moves - and in some cases, very SMART moves that I would've made had I not already had a team so stacked I'm like a fine plate of hot cakes.

Check it:
Douchebag in 6th place picked up Ryan Johansen over Brenden Gallagher. Shrewd move, as Gallagher is so much fun to watch but is useless in this league [running at under 3.0 avg points vs Johansen who is double that]. Johansen gets face-offs and is RW eligible. Cha-ching.

Idiot in 5th with the unreadable name picked up Paul Stastny and Brandon Dubinsky over Max Pacioretty and Andrew Ladd. Neither of those two dropees are in the top 25 *available FAs* in average points-per-game, so the fact that they were even on a roster this late into the season is awful. Dubinsky is in the top 25 *overall* players and can be used as an LW, so that's definitely a top pick-up.

Even with these moves, Wingdings guy here managed to drop Frans Nielsen for Shane Doan, which is ridiculous as Nielson is a top 25 player and though Doan is decent, he will drop once his goal production dries up. Nielsen averages more than two extra points per game over Doan.

Also a bunch of other morons made lateral moves like dropping Toby Enstrom for Cam Fowler. Oh, and the fucking twat in eighth place had Michael Del Zotto [he of the recent healthy scratches] being used *AS A UTILITY PLAYER* up until this week, when he dropped him. My goodness.

SO anyway, I think my plan of "benching the entire team for a week" will come into effect, maybe sooner than I had anticipated!

Should be fun.

Getting chirpy

I'm a bit bored with the league right now because I'm so easily winning it.

So I decided to start chirping a bit more on the forum.

It started simply enough, with "I'm better than you", "you're all losers", "your parents hate you because you can't win at fantasy sports" kind of things, nothing too personal. But, no responses. So I figured I'd ask straight up what the situation was...

Some quick digging [ie: looking at these guys' user profiles] would show that they're all males [or chicks with male names] and every one of them has been in multiple hockey leagues on yahoo before [including one guy who's been in 91!!! leagues].

Let's see if this starts more of a ruckus. It'd be nice if these guys put in some effort, y'know?

By the way I'm now in first place by 150 points.

I think once I hit a lead of 300+ points, I'm going to bench MY ENTIRE TEAM for a week to see if these idiots can actually catch up.

That is if the commish of the league doesn't beat me to it due to my being such an asshole to them.

Fun!

Week four

I have now doubled my lead within the last week.

So I'm well over a triple-digit lead after dabbling in it for the last couple of weeks, and that's just fun.

My team finally is starting to produce some points [still 5th in goals, but up to 4th in assists, 7th in shots]... it's still the face-offs which are winning me the league.

Yup. So pretty much my face-offs are giving me a 100+pt lead by themselves... and yet, amazingly, no one has made moves to help. I kind of understand - no one wants to drop guys like Marty St Louis or James van Riemsdyk for Mark Arcobello, based on name value alone - but it's still stupid. Names mean nothing if the results aren't there!

My point proven: of the top 25 skaters in points in the league, 22 are full-time centres, and one is a part-time C. The only ones who AREN'T are Alexander Ovechkin [1st in SOG, 1st in G], Evander Kane [3rd in SOG, 6th in hits] and Alexander Steen [who has played C this year but isn't a primary C - and also is 1st in G].

I've now started posting derogatory messages on the board in order to try and liven things up, but I think these guys are actually smart[!] enough to not respond to my obvious trolling, because they have absolutely no legs to stand on. That's right, I'm beating up on a bunch of damn amputees.